My passion for photography did not root itself with the intention of profit, remember. It was simply for the love of it. The minute it became work, it evolved into just that. Don't get me wrong, every new client excited me...I turned into a "yes-man" and literally booked my entire summer for several years in order to shoot weddings (not to mention off months doing other types). Once again, this was all while I was still pursuing my teaching career as well.
Then it happened. The burnout. We were on an end-of-the-summer family trip in the most beautiful place I've ever visited and I was struggling. California. My dream world. I had finally made it there and all I could think about was all of the weddings I had booked upon my return home. I lugged my camera around the state for two-weeks and the whole time I just couldn't get it right. Those pictures...the ones I kept snapping...they lacked the passion I once had, back when I started with a simple point-and-shoot. While many were "pretty", they felt empty. I was drained and that desire was sucked out of me. I had also somehow become the designated photographer of the trip (as it typically happened...and still happens), which don't get me wrong....it's not a bad thing, it's just....I don't know...more obligatory than spontaneous.
When we returned home, I immediately made the decision that I was done. I needed a break. School was starting (I taught middle school...which if you know me or have read previous entries you will see that I no longer do that either...ha!) and I still had about a month's worth of weddings left. Once they were finally over, that was when my hiatus began. I packed up my cameras and with the exception of a few times, they literally have remained packed...in the bottom of my closet.
Little did I know at the time of that decision, that Corey and I were going to make another decision...a life changing one and best idea ever, at that. Next thing I knew, we were soon expecting our little Selah sunshine. As the months passed, my cameras still laid untouched in my closet. While Pinterest inspired me to do "monthly" photoshoots to document this joyous time, I failed to do so simply because I just wasn't quite ready. I relied on my iPhone to document. Then she was born.
Of course I HAD to get my cameras out now. I mean, literally a year before I was doing multiple shoots for newborns and babies...and getting paid. How could I not do photoshoots for my own little muse? Once again, Pinterest taunted me with their "monthly" ideas and I had good intentions once again....and once again, I failed.
Not to be totally misleading, I have had several wonderful photo opportunities over the course of this past year. However, there was still that unsettled feeling. The feeling of being overwhelmed with a bazillion "empty" pictures.
Anyone can just take pictures to take pictures...but to me, I don't want that. I don't want a computer full of digital files that never get looked at. As we write our story, I want it to be illustrated...documented in an underwhelming and beautiful way.
With that being said, I am slowly moving out of my burnout phase...and even though recently I have decided to pick up a few of my old clients (as well as a few new)...I am taking a different approach with it all. I don't aspire to make a full-on career of it again, no matter how much I do enjoy it...I'd much rather be consumed with making our own memories as a family and documenting our own life.
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